Condom Shopping

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The Best Place To Buy Condoms

The best place to buy condoms is your local massive drugstore. So go shopping. Dress cool, hold your head high, read labels, make your selection. I think a little additional advice is in order here.

My mate and I often purchase condoms along with other items. One does not live on condoms alone. Some caution or certainly some discretion should be used when making combined purchases.

Motor oil, for instance does get some strange glances at the check out counter along with a condom buy. Purchasing the filter and the filter wrench is enough to cause the cashier to faint.

Body oils and ointments are very acceptable but avoid buying tubes of BenGay or Preparation H along when making your condom purchase. It goes with out saying that it is not the time to buy a bottle of aspirin.

Cosmetic buys may be considered fine at this time but do avoid buying tweezers. Nail clippers are right out.

Baby products might cause a smile. The oil warmer looks like a sophisticated purchase but getting too many boxes of wipes does look odd. Resist buying that marked down set of baby booties with one bootie missing. Have the baby with you or borrow one from another customer during a diaper purchase.

Food items will gain a smile from the cashier if they include wine, grapes or just about any kind of fruit other than bananas. Avoid vegetables such as cucumbers, long neck squash, and sweet potatoes, especially if you have a need to purchase vegetable spray. Never buy a decorative gourd with your condom purchase, even at Halloween.

Chocolate is a nice combined buy with condoms. But don't expect your cashier to hold back a smile if it is the squeeze bottle kind. Buying Whipped Cream in the can gets the same reaction so go ahead, buy the bottle of cherries.

Making the modest purchase of a six pack or bottle of wine is quite acceptable. However, a case of wine or keg of beer can cause talk.

Kitchen items should be considered carefully. Wooden spoons and spatulas do not seem to get much notice but leave the turkey baster for another time. Hot pads are all right but the gloved kind will draw some attention. Buying a timer now could cause some discomfort on your spouses part.

Cleaning items really should be saved for another visit, but if you must, avoid brillo pads, whisk brooms, squeegees and vacuum bags. Certainly don't buy vacuum attachments.

Don't make a paint purchase now. One time my mate arrived at the check out with a box of condoms and a large paint brush. Thinking that this might look odd he went back and retrieved a roll of duck tape. He still regrets his choice.

Office supply buys just don't add up with a condom purchase. Forget buying calculators, note pads, marker pens, tape or rulers. Leave the stapler for another time!

Lawn furniture is all right if you don't make the mistake of asking if it is strong enough to hold two people. Kid's toys are also OK, but again, don't ask.

Never buy rope or chain when purchasing condoms. Such a slip could cause the cashier to have to make a written report at the end of their shift.

One last piece of important advice. Always be sure the box of Condoms that you choose has a clearly marked price on it. More than one modest purchaser has had to endure the price check made over the store's loud speaker system.

P.S. My mate reminds me a hardware purchase made in combination with condoms is the most risky. It is always best to make a separate trip for hammers, pliers, nails, screws, clamps and electric tools.

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